Military spouses are some of the strongest people you’ll ever meet but even the strongest can feel overwhelmed. Not every battle is visible and not every challenge is shared.
This week on the Married to the Military podcast, we’re talking about the invisible load; the unseen weight we carry as partners, parents, and individuals navigating military life.
Loneliness Comes in Many Forms
When Carole Robbins became a Navy wife in the 1980s, she was raising a toddler and a newborn while her husband deployed to the Falklands War. There were no texts, no FaceTime and very few updates from the ship. Just months of silence and the hope that her husband would return safe and sound.
“The evenings were the worst,” she said. “In the daytime, you’re with your kids and friends. But in the evenings, it’s just you reading a book, watching telly. No one else to talk to.”
Decades later, that loneliness still exists, even in a world full of smartphones. Bianca, through interviewing military significant others for her podcast, has noticed something striking about modern military life: it’s often loneliest for those without children.
“Everything revolves around mums and toddlers,” she said. “If you don’t have kids, you can feel completely left out.”
It’s a reminder that the invisible load isn’t always stress; sometimes it’s isolation, and no one sees it unless you name it.
Listen to Carole's full episode on the Falklands War
What’s Draining You?
Military life doesn’t just pull on your schedule; it pulls on your soul. That’s something Donna Restall, a mindset coach and RAF veteran wife, sees often.
“If you’re constantly tired or on edge,” she explained, “you might be going against your own values.”
Maybe you value stability, but your week has been full of chaos.
Maybe you value freedom, but you’re stuck doing everything alone.
Maybe you value honesty, but you’re pretending everything is fine.
“Even a five percent shift back into alignment can make a big difference,” Donna said.
The problem isn’t that you’re failing. The problem is that you’re carrying something that doesn’t belong to you; an invisible expectation, a quiet compromise, or a version of life that just isn’t yours.
Listen to Donna’s full episode on emotional exhaustion and values
You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone
Whether you’re missing your partner, missing yourself, or just missing someone to talk to, you’re not alone.
You might be:
A childless spouse feeling left out
A burnt-out mum wondering where her joy went
A military partner adjusting to your first deployment
A woman realising she’s lost touch with her own needs
There’s space for you here.
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